Faking It

Clear communication is the key to all successful relationships, be they personal, business or--dare I say it?--political.  I've been lucky enough to fail at a few relationships before finding one that really worked.  Now I know that consistent honesty is what really works.  This relates to many different aspects of relationships, but there is one lie I wish every vagina in the world would promise to never tell again: the fake orgasm.

My friend Caroline's vagina admitted to me that she has faked it in the past.  She figured that her pleasure wasn't as important a goal as her partner's.  Obviously, sex was always the same with them, and she eventually her ability to enjoy it diminished.  Her short-term goal of improving his immediate pleasure had negative consequences in the long-term, tainting their relationship with an untruth that became increasingly apparent to her while he was unaware.  The real way to maximize his pleasure is to ask for (or, depending on the penis, demand) the things that really gets a vagina going, whether it's "A little to the right," or "That angle is perfect!"  If Caroline's vagina were really into her partner, she should have expressed her interest in continuing to play with him by giving him honest feedback.  That way, he would have learned what she really wanted, and they would have both gotten much better at sex.

My friend Anne's vagina also says she faked, but only once, to make the penis she was playing with finish up faster.  Maybe he was suffering from anorgasmia, but from the sounds of it, she didn't give him any help.  All she did was lie there and wait, bored, until she decided (without consulting him at all) that he would probably finish up if he thought she had climaxed.  Unsurprisingly, neither of them had interest in having better sex the next time.  When I'm having sex and I feel satisfied before my partner, I just redouble my efforts to finish my partner off.  If I'm playing with a vagina, I ignore how tired my fingers or tongue have gotten and just dedicate myself to giving her at least one more big orgasm.  If I'm playing with a penis, I rock my hips and grind against him, maybe wrapping my legs around his body.  It also helps to literally tell my partner I want him or her to climax.

Genitals can save themselves a lot of awkwardness, disappointment and embarassment by initiating the dialogue.  They can say what makes them feel best, and ask for candid feedback on where and how they are stimulating their partners.  This level of intimacy can improve the romantic and/or sexual aspects of the relationship... whether it's love, friendship or just two bodies having fun.



Today's panties: tan under a tan skirt.  I like to match.

Benefits of Orgasms

My friends are pretty varied when it comes to experience.  Anne's vagina seldom has a penis to play with, but she has all sorts of toys.  I never go more than a week without an orgasm--or, to be more precise, a session that involves at least a few.  Lola's vagina, though... I don't think she has ever had an orgasm, and that's a real shame.

I can understand maintaining one's virginity.  I don't think anyone should lose it before they're one hundred percent positive they are ready to do so, and if one has religion bundled up in the thought process, I can respect that too.  I also get wanting to take a relationship slowly, and holding out on manual and oral sex for a while.  I suppose I can even understand that a few (aberrant) people consider themselves asexual, with no interest in physical intimacy or pleasure.

I understand these things, but I can't at all connect with them on a personal level.  Orgasms are natural and, at least for me and what I perceive to be a vast majority of others, necessary.  I think it's healthy to at least masturbate on a regular basis, for so many reasons.

An orgasm is helpful to one's mental health.  When I'm stressed, down, bored, or having difficulty focusing on a task at hand (like, writing a term paper or getting up the energy to mop the floor), I just need a self-administered orgasm or two.  I'm instantly more relaxed and happy, and it's easier for me to focus and accomplish what needs to be done.  Anne's vagina says she's the same way, and so does my best friend and favorite playmate, Henry's penis.  I can't help but think the experience is, if not universal, at least extremely common.

Masturbation leads to better physical understanding of self.  I can't speak for penises here, because I know their experiences are very different from mine, but I think I can represent the average vagina well enough.  Physically, masturbation helps us figure out where stimulation is most effective.  Lydia's vagina prefers a massage high to the left, but I feel best when the sensation focuses just to the right of my clitoris.  When we vaginas know what we like best, we can communicate it to our playmates and improve the experience for everyone invilved.

Self-stimulation can also lead to better psychosexual understanding of self.  Masturbation will either shut your conscious mind off (blessed peace!) or send it in a specific direction.  Sometimes during masturbation, I find my mind frantically going over stressors in my day, like the fact that I missed taking the trash out in time for the garbage truck because I needed to pay or bill, or similar stupid stuff.  This helps me realize exactly how stressed out I am, and what I need to do to improve my situation--even if it just means setting the stressors aside and kicking back with a good book for a few hours.  Often, though, my masturbation leads me to delightful sexual fantasies, which can play out attractions to other people's genitals with whom I can't play, or lead to ideas I can incorporate when playing with Henry's penis or our vagina friends.

Interactive orgasms are really important for relationships, too.  They can strengthen the lovers' bond... or help the lovers understand that they are not compatible enough to stay together.  One of my former playmates and I started off having a ton of fun together, but the more orgasms we had together, the more we learned about ourselves.  He was a submissive penis who liked having his back whipped so hard it left marks, and I am a submissive vagina who hates causing pain, even if my partner asks for it.  We really weren't right for each other, and we never would have found it out without the mutual pursuit of orgasms.

I really hope Lola's vagina relaxes enough play, at least with herself.  There are so many benefits to be had.